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Rayman Legends Adventures in Hercules/Transcript
Long ago, in the distant land on ancient Greece, there was a golden age of powerful gods and extraordinary heroes. And the greatest and strongest of all these heroes…was the mighty Hercules. But what is the measure of the real hero? This is where our story...... Thalia: Do you want to listen to him? He makes this story sound like a Greek tragedy. Terpsichore: Lighten up, man. Calliope: We'll take it from here, darling. Go ahead, daughter. We are the muses; goddesses of the arts and publishers of heroes. Terpsichore: Heroes like Hercules. Thalia: Darling, you mean Hercules. Ooh-wee, I'd like to make soft music with him. Our story actually begins long before Hercules…there are many eons. Calliope: Back if the world was new The planet Earth was down on its luck And everywhere gigantic brutes called Titans Ran amok Thalia: It was a nasty place There was a mess wherever you stepped. Calliope: Where chaos reigned and earthquakes And volcanoes never slept. All: AND THEN ALONG CAME ZEUS!! Calliope: He hurled his thunderbolt All: HE ZAPPED!! Calliope: Locked these suckers in a vault All: THEY'RE TRAPPED And on his own stopped chaos in its tracks And that's the Gospel Truth That guy was too type "A" to just…RELAX!! Calliope: And that's the world's first dish Thalia: Yes, baby Calliope: Zeus tamed the globe while yet in his youth All: Though darling, it may seem impossible THAT'S THE GOSPEL TRUTH!! On Mount Olympus, life was sweet And smooth as sweet vermouth Though darling, it may seem impossible THAT'S THE GOSPEL TRUUUUUTH!! On Mount Olympus, the tallest mountain in Greece, gods from all over the country gathered together to celebrate the birth of a newborn infant. This baby was born to the mighty Hera, the goddess of marriage and women, and the almighty Zeus, king of the Gods and goddesses, and god of the heavens. Together, they had given birth to Hercules. As the gods chattered amongst themselves, Hera happily said to the little baby, "Hercules. Behave yourself." The little baby was placed in his little basket, where he saw his father, Zeus. "Oh, look at that, look how cute he is," Zeus said happily. Hercules took hold of his father's finger and literally lifted him above the ground. This was his gift; superhuman strength. "Hah, ooh, he's strong...like his father," commented Zeus. Nearby, one god was zooming past the others in a hurry. This was Hermes, the god messenger. "Woah, excuse me. Hot stuff is coming. Excuse me. On the one hand, Ares," he said as he flew past the gods before giving Hera flowers. "Why, Hermes, they're so cute," Hera commented. "Yes, you know, I asked Orpheus to make the arrangement. Isn't that too crazy," replied Hermes before turning to Prince Charming, "famous feast, you know I haven't seen as much love in a room since Narcissus discovered himself." As they chatted, Hercules noticed some lightning bolts in one of his father's pockets. Hera took notice of her son playing with the electricity and became concerned. "Darling, keep them away from the baby," she said. "Oh, it won't hurt," replied Zeus who saw the activity, but wasn't concerned, "let the child have a little fun." Hercules literally sucked on the bolt and got shocked by its affects. He threw the bolt aside, not interested in it anymore. The other gods swiftly got out of the road of the zooming bolt but Athena, the goddess of wisdom and warfare, hit the bolt away like a baseball and it hit a pole, but caused no damage. Zeus wasn't concerned one bit, since he was overall happy about his son. "On behalf of my son, I want to thank you all for your wonderful gifts," he announced to his fellow gods and goddesses before showing all the nice gifts given to the baby. "What about our gift, darling," asked Hera. Zeus realized that his wife got a good point. "Now see here. We're going to take...huh...yes...a little cirrus, and, um...hmph...a touch of nimbostratus," said Zeus as he put together something special for Hercules, "and...a hint of cumulus." Zeus' creation was cloud created and he made something that looked like a horse, except it had wings. Hercules moved to touch it, but as he did so, something burst out of the cloud like a baby coming out of an egg. This was a tiny horse with wings. "His name...is Pegasus," said Zeus, "and he's all yours, son." The horse, Pegasus, bonked heads with the baby before licking him. This wasn't mean to be any harmful at all, for the horse was playing with him. The two babies hugged each other, to the other gods' happiness. They found it adorable. "Watch out for his head," Hera said to Zeus as she gave the baby to him. "He's so small," replied Zeus. The adorable baby sucked a little on his own necklace, which had the god's symbol on it. He started feeling sleepy. "My boy...my little Hercules," Zeus said silently as he put the baby down in his basket. This was a cute moment, but it suddenly came to a halt as someone said, "how sentimental." Everyone turned and saw someone in the shadows. This was a god, but a dark-looking one with fire on his head. "You know I haven't been so choked since I caught a piece of moussaka in my throat. What," he said as he revealed himself to the crowd. This was Hades, lord of the Underworld, and younger brother to Zeus. Everyone wasn't pleased to see this guy. "What is this, an audience or a mosaic," he asked before walking past the gods, "hey, how are you? Looking good, nice dress." But while the other gods weren't happy about his presence, Zeus, on the other hand, was happy to see his brother. "Well, Hades, you eventually made it," he said, "how are facts in the Underworld?" "Well, they're fine, a little dark, a little dark and as always, hey, full of dead guys. What are you going to do," he replied before shifting his attention to little baby Hercules, "ah, there's the little sunburn. Pretty sneaky. And here is a suction cup for the small suction cup, heh, let's go, you come..." As Hades was speaking, he pulled out his little spiked skull-shaped pacifier and attempted to put it in the baby's mouth. But Hercules caught Hades' finger. Because of Hercules' strength, this grip was very strong and painful for poor Hades. After getting out of his grip, Hades said to himself, "er, powerful little tyke." "C'mon, Hades, don't be so stiff," said Zeus, "join the celebration." "Hehehe, I love it, baby, but unlike you, the gods who rush in here, unfortunately I have a full-time concert that you granted me so charitably, Prince Charming," replied Hades, "then can't. I love it, but I can't." As Hades turned to leave, Zeus replied, "you have to slow down. You're going to murder yourself." Zeus suddenly found his own line funny. "HAH! WORK YOURSELF TO DEATH!!" The other gods burst into laughter over Zeus' joke. "Oh, I'm hurting myself," Zeus giggled to himself as the laughter went on. But Hades wasn't really in the mood for jokes. "If only," he said with laughter, before sinisterly saying to himself, "if only." If there's one god you don't want to get upset about...it's Hades. Terpsichore: Because he had a devilish plan. Thalia: He ran the Underworld But thought the dead were dull and uncouth He was as mean as he was ruthless And that's the Gospel Truth He had a plan to shake facts up And that's the GOSPEL truuuuuth! Hades proceeded through the Underworld, across the Pit of Death. It was dark, depressing, gloomy place, where souls of dead people rested in eternal rest. Some of the souls often got on Hades' nerves, and this caused Hades to blast them with his flames. This was a dangerous place to be, not just because of the souls and dead people, but also because there was a three-headed dog named Cerberus. Upon seeing the giant monstrous canine, Hades tossed them a steak and they fought over it. Hades eventually reaches the center of the Underworld, where he shouts out for his minions. "PAIN!!" An obese, pink monster with a large full of sharp teeth, crimson hair, small purple wings and two small black horns on his head, came running down the stairs. "Coming from your most dismal," he said before tripping and landing on some sharp thorns. "PANIC," shouts Hades. Another monster, a blue, slender one, with a tall, blue gazelle-like fashion, small green wings and a sharp snout, come out as well. "I'm sorry, I can handle it," he said as he ran frantically down the stairs. By this time, Pain managed to get himself free, but he incidentally smashed into Panic. Panic's horns also landed on Pain's butt. This was painful for both two. "Pain," squirmed Pain. "And Panic," squirmed Panic. "BRING BACK YOUR HOMEWORK," they both said. "Very well, well, well, let me know the moment the Fates arrive," replied Hades, who was a little irritated. Pain and Panic managed to get themselves to their feet. "Oh...they're here," Panic said to Hades. "WHAT," Hades suddenly snapped, making his flames turn from blue to orange and reddish, "THE FATES ARE HERE AND YOU DIDN'T WARN ME?!" The two cowardly monsters lamented and turned themselves into worms. "WE ARE WORMS," cried Pain and Panic, "WORMS WITHOUT VALUE!!" "Memo to me, memo to me; maim you after my meeting," replied Hades, who calmed down. In another room in the Underworld, three dark figures stood together. There was Lachesis, the tall one, Clotho, the medium-sized one, and Atropos, the short and stout one. These were the three Greek Fates. "Darling, hold onto this mortal life thread, good...and tight," Atropos said as she got ready to cut a thread of string with scissors. The string was cut and there was a loud shriek. "Coming in," shouts Clotho. A soul came flying by, past Hades, and into a dark green room. With the presence of a new soul, the count made it to 5,000,000,0001. Hades turned to the fates and said, "ladies, I'm very sorry to be......" "Late," they interrupted. "We knew you'd be," said Lachesis as she took Atropos' eye. "We know everything," said Clotho. "Past," said Lachesis as the eye was passed around to her and her fellow fates. "Present," added Clotho. "And future," concluded Atropos, who then turned to Panic, "the interior plumbing. It's going to be great." "Great," replied Hades, "but any matter, you see, ladies, I've had this feast and I lost track of…" "WE KNOW," they interrupted. "I know…you know," said Hades, who was annoyed, "then here's the deal....Zeus; Mr. High and Mighty, Mr. 'Hey, you, come out of my cloud.' Now he has a...." "Bouncing baby kid," concluded the fates. "We know," said Clotho. "I KNOW," shouts Hades, who briefly turns orange with his outburst, "you know. I know. I understand. I understand the concept. Then let me just ask, is this child going to spoil my hostile purchase off or what, what do you think?" Clothos thought, but Lachesis was reluctant about revealing a reply. "Oh, dear, you don't," she said, "we're not supposed to reveal the future." Hades turned to Clothos and had an idea. "Oh, wait, I'm sorry, can I ask a question by the way? Are you…did you cut your hair or something? You're famous, I mean you look like a fate worse than death." Clothos giggled about this, but Lachesis and Atropos were annoyed. Lachesis nudged Clothos, making her lose the eye. The eye landed in Panic's hands. "AH, GROSS," he complained. "Yes, it's blinking," added Pain, who kicked it. Hades had the eye in his hands and said, "ladies, please. My fate…is in your beautiful hand." Clothos turned to Lachesis like she was begging for something. "Oh, alright," said Lachesis dryly. With that said, the eye brightened up and showed an image of the future. "In eighteen years....exactly…the planets will yet line up very well," explained Clothos. "Yes, worms, oi," commented Hades. "The time to act will be near," continued Lachesis, "unleash the titans, your monstrous group." "Uh-huh," Hades said, paying good attention, "good, good." "Then the once proud Zeus will eventually fall," continued Clothos, "and you…''HADES…'WILL GOVERN EVERYTHING!!" Hades burst in emotion. "YES! HADES RULES!!" "A word of warning to this tale," said Atropos. "Pardon me," asked Hades, who was confused. "If Hercules is fighting.....you will fail," concluded Atropos. The fates disappeared from the room, leaving Hades, Pain and Panic amongst themselves. "WHAT," yelled Hades upset as flames burst out of his head, before calming down, "OK, that's it. I'm cool, I'm fine." As for Hades, he entered another room with Pain and Panic. "Pain…Panic," he said to his cowardly monster henchmen, "have a little riddle for you; how do you murder....a god?" "I do…not know," replied Pain. "You can't," said Panic, "are they immortal?" "Bingo, they're immortal," replied Hades, who then pulled out a special potion, "well…first you have to transform the little sunburn…mortal." Evening fell over Mt. Olympus and all was calm and silent. In their little bedroom, Hercules and Pegasus slept together. They were fast asleep, unaware that something was approaching them, slowly and silently. Two shadows emerged in the room and they crept closer and closer towards the sleeping pair. In another room, Zeus and Hera were sleeping together in their bed, but suddenly they heard smashing noises coming from another room. The two awakened from their sleep. At first they were confused, but suddenly became concerned. "THE BABY," they exclaimed. Zeus and Hera rushed to Hercules' room, but all they found was a mess, and Pegasus stuck in a horn. They all gasped upon seeing the baby's empty basket. It was now clear that Hercules was taken. "HERCULES," exclaimed Hera before bursting into tears over the loss of her son. Both parents were shocked over what just happened to their son. Zeus, upon seeing that Hercules had disappeared, grew frustrated and yelled a Big No as lightning flashed around him. Below the clouds, Pain and Panic had Hercules in their possession and they were descending to the ground. "Now we did it," said Panic who was panicking, "Zeus will use us for shooting practice." "Just hold onto the boy, Panic," said Pain, before the two smashed to the ground after going through dead trees. Hercules started crying upon hitting the ground. Panic, frantic about Zeus figuring out who took the baby, just wanted their job over and swiftly. "We're going to murder the boy and finish at once, that's fine," he said. "Here you go, boy," said Pain who gave Hercules the potion from the Underworld, "a little Greek formula." Sip after sip, Hercules started changing and becoming more mortal. His god glow was fading away. "Look at that," Panic said upon noticing the change, "he's changing. Can we do it now?" "No, no, no," replied Pain, "he has to drink the entire potion. Until the last drop." But as it seemed all hope was lost for the poor baby, Pain and Panic suddenly heard a voice. "Who's there?" Pain and Panic instantly became frightened and fled, dropping the potion bottle onto the ground. But what they were unaware of was the fact that one tiny little drop of the potion slipped off the glass and landed on the ground. Two peasants appeared as Hercules cried. Amphitryon and his wife, Alcmene appeared from behind a rock. "Alcmene, over here," said Amphitryon as he noticed the baby. "Oh…poor fact," Alcmene said as she took the baby, "ah, ne pas pleure." "Is there anyone there," called Amphitryon, who wanted to see if anyone was with the baby. From a safe distance, Pain and Panic saw the couple with Hercules. "Now," asked Panic. "Now," replied Pain. The two partners turned themselves into snakes and they slowly crept towards the oblivious couple. "Oh, well, he must've been abandoned," said Amphitryon. "Amphitryon, for so many years, we've prayed to the gods to bless us with a child," said Alcmene, "maybe they've replied our prayers." "Maybe he did so," replied the husband as he read the necklace around Hercules, "Hercules." As lightning flashed, the couple eventually noticed Pain and Panic approach them. They gasped, but as the monsters struck, Hercules caught their necks. Pain and Panic were in pain over Hercules catching their necks. They instantly realized that Hercules yet had his strength. Amphitryon and Alcmene watched in shock as the baby beat up the two snakes and tied them in a knot. He swung the snakes around a few times before tossing them into the air like a hammer throw Olympic event. The couple watched them fly off before turning their attention to the giggling Hercules. As for Pain and Panic, they kept flying off until smashing into a wall. They turned back into their regular selves and complained. "Hades will murder us if he finds out what just happened," complained Panic. "You mean, ''IF'' he finds out," said Pain who had another plan up his sleeve. "Of course he's going to fuck…" Panic said before realizing that Pain's idea could work, "yes…if it's good." It was tragic. Zeus led all the gods in a frantic search. Terpsichore: But as they found the baby, it was already no use. Melpomeme: ''Young Herc was mortal then'' ''But since he did not drink the last drop'' ''He yet retained his god-like fashion'' ''Then thank his lucky stars'' ''But Zeus and Hera wept'' ''Because their son could never come home'' ''They had to watch their precious baby'' ''Grow up from afar'' ''Though Hades' horrid plan'' ''Was hatched before Herc cut his first tooth'' ''The boy grew stronger everyday'' ''And that's the Gospel Truth'' Muses: ''The Gospel…Truuuuuth!'' Under the blue heavens of Greece, as sheep grazed on the grass, something strange appeared on a nearby hill. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a cart with a lot of hay appeared and frightened everyone in its path. This hay cart was racing toward a market town. This cart had Amphitryon, his donkey, Penelope and the now teenage Hercules. "HERCULES, SLOWLY," begged Amphitryon as his adoptive son raced down the path, "BE CAREFUL!!" This cart ran below some people doing their business on an arch and they were alarmed. "Wow, I'm sorry, guys," exclaimed Hercules. "HEY, LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING, SUNDAY DRIVER!!" The people in the market town scattered upon seeing the fast moving cart. Hercules eventually slowed down, but the strength in his legs made him brake and go underground. "Thank you, son," said Amphitryon, "as old Penelope twisted her ankle there, I thought we were goners." "No problem, Dad," said Hercules, who lifted the big stack of hay. "Uh, no, no, don't download yet," said the concerned father, "first I have to meet Phidias." "Alright," replied Hercules, who threw the haystack back onto the cart, unintentionally making Penelope fly into the air, "oops. I'm sorry, Penelope." "Now, Hercules," said Amphitryon, "this time, please just…" "I know, I know," replied Hercules, who then caught Penelope, "stay by the car." "That's my child," replied the father who walked off. Hercules leaned on the cart, waiting for his dad. As he waited, he noticed the town's pottery seller, Demetrius, attempting to keep hold of a giant pot. "Oh, my heavens, ''WOAH!!" "Be careful," said Hercules as he helped him get a stable hold on the pot. "Oh, why, thanks," said Demetrius. "No problem." But upon seeing Hercules' face, Demetrius turned from grateful to concerned. "Wow, Hercules...it's…it's you," he said. "Let me help you with that," Hercules said. But Demetrius didn't want to risk any damage with the boy. "No, no, no, no, I have it," he said, "I'm fine. Just run." "Are you sure?" "Oh, yes. Absolutely." The shop's curtains were closed on Hercules, and he felt bad. Suddenly, a discus landed in front of him. Three teenage boys came running as one said, "hey, give it here." They suddenly stopped upon seeing Hercules. "Hey, you need an extra boy," asked Hercules. "Uh…I'm sorry, Herc," said one of the boys, "we already have five and we want to keep an even number." "Wait a second, five isn't a pair......" "Farewell, Herc," said the teenager after snatching the discus. "What a geek," said one of the teenagers, "destruction boy." "Perhaps we should call him 'Jerkules.'" Hercules was serious by these and walked off in his despair. But as Hercules sat in hopes, he suddenly heard a teenager yell. "'''''HEADS UP!!" The discus was flying through the air and was heading Hercules' direction. "I have it, I have it," he said as he jumped up to catch the discus. He managed to catch the flying object, but he was yet flying through the air and he smashed into a pole. As he opened his eyes, he saw the pole shaking. "Oops. Oh, dear," he said before trying to stop the pole from falling down, "it's alright." But Hercules was attempting to keep the pole straight and it smashed into the other pole. That one started smashing into the other Greek poles and they all came down on each other like dominoes. This terrified the people in complete shock over the sudden catastrophe. Hercules threw the other aside to stop this, but it smashed into the other poles and they came smashing down the same fashion. The people ran for their lives, as Hercules tried desperately to stop the market town from falling apart. "SON," exclaimed Amphitryon. "HANG ON, DAD," replied Hercules, "I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!!" Demetrius was stuck in between the two paths of the smashing walls. He had so many pots in his grip that he couldn't get out of the road fast enough. "NONONONONONONO," he cried before bracing for impact. But the two smashing walls collided with each other, stopping each other from landing on Demetrius' pottery. Demetrius saw this and sighed with relief. But as it seemed the damage was over, Hercules came running and he slipped. "WATCH OUT," he cried as he slid toward the panicking pottery seller. Hercules smashed into Demetrius, destroying his pottery and making the two walls smash down. The town's wreckage was immense. Hercules looked around the area at the mess he incidentally made. He had the discus in his hand as Amphitryon approached him. "Good catch…Jerkules," said one of the teenage boys who took the discus off. "Son," said Amphitryon who comforted Hercules. The crowd of people surrounded them as Demetrius stuck himself out of his pot. "This…is the last...STRAW, AMPHITRYON," he yelled upset as he freed himself and smashed the pot to the ground in frustration. "That child is a threat," complained one of the people. "He's too dangerous to be near normal people," added another. "He didn't want to do any harm," said Amphitryon, "he just…can't…control his strength." "I'm warning you," snapped Demetrius, "you keep that…that…that…''MONSTER''…away from here!" The frustrated crowd of people agreed and walked off. Amphitryon stayed with Hercules.